Sunday, 11 January 2009

So onwards and upwards…

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the direction I want my life to go as I can see the end of the beginning. I know I’ve got time to formulate a plan as my pre operation consultation in Brighton is not until early March but time has a nasty habit of slipping away from you especially as I have weekly trips to Manchester Dental Hospital in February.

I have also to be realistic as I am having major surgery and it takes a huge chunk of the year away in terms of recovery. I need to do something though as I must build a social network here in Manchester.

One of the worst aspects and results of the discrimination I endured at work in Uttoxeter was the consequential social exclusion from the suspension from work. I can understand it as my supporters were faced with bullying by both management and colleagues and keeping their distance from me made it easier for them.

I updated my CV the other day but when I read it I realised I’m describing the person I constructed not the person I really am now. I have no problems embracing or acknowledging my former identity and I don’t hide it. I’ve got on display a framed cartoon of myself on a motorbike that doesn’t look at all girly and it causes me no identity crisis.

What I’m trying to say is; that was then and has no relevance to now. I can’t see me as a Director in high profile customer facing work anymore doing huge deals. I know I could do it but that sort of success and earning huge salaries didn’t really do it for me then and won’t now.

I’ll never go back to factory work either as I’ve had my fill of that and middle management has changed beyond recognition from the days when I passed through it to more senior roles. I think that’s a consequence of the dumbing down of the whole commercial world and its consolidation into global inflexibility that is the characteristic of most commercial organisations though that was inevitable if you put accountants in charge and build a capitalist system that relies on growth to survive.

I’ve long toyed with turning “Diary of a Biscuit Making Transsexual” into a full book allowing me to expand the characters in it. Of course I’ll have to write it as a work of fiction or I’ll spend time in the courts and I’m not able like Peter Cook when sued by Maxwell to wave a chequebook and say I’ll print it again next week! I do like the discipline of writing though and that’s probably the most likely direction I’ll take.

I’ve been blessed with skills in both science and the arts and that’s probably the answer as I used the scientist side of my brain to build the male persona I cultivated whilst the softer artistic side was suppressed so my female brain wasn’t fully revealed.

I don’t have that constraint anymore.

Click here for “Diary of a Biscuit Making Transsexual

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