Wednesday, 27 February 2008

24 hours of hurt...

Went to Gravesend to see “L” after my trip to my Union LBGT Conference at Eastbourne.

It was meant to be 4 days (well four and two halves) to see if we could get on well enough face-to-face to plan some sort of future. As we’d spent a few months building up to this and sorting out numerous issues I had an expectation of a few days “holiday”. Well some rest & relaxation anyway!

The reality was 24 hours of hurt that I was glad to see come to an end even though I walked away in tears.

Let me make it clear I love “L” but that’s not enough. I can’t cope with the mental health issues of someone with borderline personality disorder I can sum up the experience as there being no normal minutes in the 1440 that I spent with “L”.

It really is over this time and I’ve learnt some hard lessons like you can’t build a real relationship with someone you meet on an Internet TV/TS dating site and I have to stay away from people with mental health issues of any kind.

I’m back in Uttoxeter facing up to the reality of my world. One where underage drinkers smoking outside The Academy, Smith & Jones Pub welcome you back with abuse and intimidation. Oh and a weekly rent increase from £63.28 to £69.29 that just adds to my view that questions not the cost of living but is living worth the cost.

I’m ruling out London as an option now for moving. OK I suffered no abuse or threats from the various hoodies etc. I encountered but the overcrowding and brashness was very unpleasant. People barging into you and the lack of regard for anyone else is not something I want in my life.

I’m sticking with my Manchester plan where everything is a size and scale I can cope with. I suppose the positive side of this experience is I now know where I don’t belong.

No comments: