Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Intellectually sound but emotionally shattered...

I went to see a consultant psychiatrist yesterday. It was an interesting hour!

I told her what had happened to me since I saw her 2 years ago. I explained how my Primary Care Trust had ignored me and how I’d been discriminated against by my employer and how badly the town had reacted to my transition.

I explained that the town reaction problem has dwindled to a rump of bigots directly connected to my employment.

The Primary Care Trust problem can’t be solved without a legal challenge now my MP has given up the fight.

The ongoing problem is surviving the onslaught from my employer.

Now initially when I met her over two years I was pretty naive about the Department of Health and my Primary Care Trust treatment of transsexual people. I soon became aware of the institutionalised prejudice in both but I still believed there were individuals in the NHS that cared. That was a mistake!

I suppose I should have picked up on “I thought your hair was a wig” comment but I didn’t want to believe the worse of someone I thought sympathetic.

I really should have spotted the “why do you want a gender recognition certificate?” question – my answer because it helps define who I am.

Amazingly I didn’t react to the glance down and the “how are you going to get a female birth certificate?” – my answer because the law says I can have one.

Those last two questions actually define the problem for any transsexual woman seeking National Health Service care. We doctors (that consider ourselves God) defined your sex at birth as male we will never change that.

This is why I get so angry with Press For Change and their transgender agenda. They have accepted their MBEs’ from a grateful Government that has not had to modify its discrimination against transsexual people in the NHS. After all if you are transgender the core issue is removed you stay the sex they decided for you.

It’s why I support the Harry Benjamin Syndrome position as everyone know the mental illness classification is a nonsense the trouble is no one in the medical profession will really accept you can be born with a female brain in a male body. This is particularly true of all psychiatrists whose arbitrary classification of various mental illnesses doesn’t stand up to scientific scrutiny and has no statistical validity.

I went there knowing I needed some extra support to survive but not being an expert I didn’t know what I needed other than I didn’t want any mind altering drugs.

Now she was unnaturally keen to support my view that I have to move to Manchester or London to have anything like a normal life and would supply a letter if needed in support of my consideration for re-housing.

Thinking about it I can see the motivation and the reasons. Firstly the Primary Care Trust decreases the chance of any legal action for refusal of funding for my surgery as it moves the problem to my new Trust. Secondly her barely disguised view is that all people like me belong in a ghetto of “Queers” that a big city can absorb not living in a nice English market town like Uttoxeter and annoying the local populace by being different.

Her view was that intellectually I could understand that I can’t win over bigoted individuals but I have to learn how to stop those people hurting me emotionally.

My suicidal feelings earlier this year are a normal reaction to stress that has been “off the scale”.

She understood the social exclusion of my suspension from work and the effect of unrelenting harassment from my employer.

She knows that despite my best efforts I’m in the wages “poverty trap” as a single person on £12,000 a year and that I will have to cope with statutory sick pay if I can’t get alternative work. That adds more stress. She looked alarmed when I said I wanted a diagnosis of work related stress to claim more.

She felt I was doing it right trying to create a house move and a new life in a big city but I had to learn to cope with the emotional consequences of all the stress.

Of course she wasn’t prepared to offer that as professional counselling from a NHS trained specialist.

She’s recommended I have one on one counselling sessions at Uttoxeter Mind. That’s a charity with volunteer counsellors with minimal qualifications.

This is something I have to arrange as she felt referral to a psychiatric nurse or drugs as inappropriate as she doesn’t consider me mentally ill.

So I think that’s the psychiatrist equivalent of “pull yourself together girl & get on with it”. I’m intellectually sound just emotionally shattered – easy eh!

I left feeling totally drained and with a splitting headache.

The one thing about South Staffordshire and Shropshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust is their consistency. Since my transition every request for help has been turned down. They should reissue my NHS card stamped transsexual woman to be denied health care of any type.

I’m now thinking how do I get these people. When we secured some of our rights in the European Courts we had them diluted by Government under the transgender agenda. We need to go back and get the treatment practices of transsexual people by the Health Service declared illegal under the Human Rights Act.

This was the battle I wanted to fight & win for all transsexual people not the battle I’ve been forced into with my employer.

Actually there are similar in many ways as both organisations feel themselves above the law and have the attitude you brought this on yourself and deserve what you get.

That is the perverted prejudice of the true bigot, as they become the victims of the transsexual woman who decides they can’t live the lie of being male anymore. As it is now politically unacceptable to be racist or homophobic you need a new target as an outlet. Transsexual women provide that service to the community.

So as usual I fight my battle alone, well that’s not quite true: I have Chris, “LR”, “L” and a gender specialist in Dr Richard Curtis that actually understand me. I won’t give the bigots victory I will God willing survive and win.

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