Sunday, 9 December 2007

On the death of love...

The one thing I’ve learnt is that the end of love is always very painful and the recriminations of who was to blame will achieve nothing.

There was one exception and that was Chris who was my true soul mate and has become like a sister to me but then I think perhaps you’re only allowed that once in your life.

I’ve had the most distressing but revealing 48 hours ending in 12 hours of deep sleep during which my brain has recovered from an emotional pummelling orchestrated by someone I feel is pure evil.

I find it impossible to think of the extreme end of transvestic fetishism with their love of BDSM as anything other than evil perversion. My experience of these people is that they are universally control freaks and manipulators who are expert in using mind control methods to achieve their aims.

My former love remains under the spell of one of these people. It’s just as well I’m not vindictive or Northallerton and RAF Leeming would be covered with ChristinaFrost’s tvChix profile page LOL

I think though the real mistake was mine in giving my unconditional love to someone diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I find aspects of this condition well beyond my ability as a Christian to turn the other cheek though I have kept to my faith and forgiven. The issue I have with Borderline Personality Disorder is how much is actually real & controlled by the person diagnosed as having it?

The old Biblical Evil Spirit and possession by “Demons” is probably as valid a description as ever and the cure depends on wanting them to leave sadly some people simply don’t want that to happen. I think that is what makes then switch so easily from love to hatred and not remotely think about what they’re doing. OK I can be stubborn and a poor listener but I am in touch with my inner most thoughts (perhaps too much for others to like) whereas BPD people don’t get the concept!

The last 48 hours were totally predictable but impossible to stop because the two people concerned wanted it to happen. Part of their mind game fun was to damage me as much as possible for their respective amusement and yes they achieved that objective.

It was classic psychological manipulation create false sense of security, project happiness, have a panic attack, create real distress and worry by manipulation of events, turn the tables through accusation and blame, force a disagreement and then pretend to reconcile and your victim should be under your control.

The problem is that this has been done to me too many times now for me not to see it for what it is – pure evil.

No matter how strong my love I can’t recover from this as it simply went too far.

I’m drawing on every last ounce of my strength to write this and there’s not much left of that to face the determined attack of my employer next week.

It’s hardly surprising that so many transsexual people fail to survive the transition experiences they are subjected to. The universal hatred and exploitation by evil people is immense.

I have to try to fight on for my transsexual brothers and sisters but it’s not easy…

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